I have a friend I hadn’t talked to in over a year. We worked together in the past and always got along well. When we recently caught up, I noticed something remarkable about the way she communicated. She made everything in the conversation about me. I asked her about her family, and she did share, but she tied her response back to something I had said earlier. She would say things like, “Well, like you mentioned before,” or “Just like you said.” Even though the topic was her family and I wanted to learn about her, she naturally brought the conversation back to me in a meaningful and connected way.
She wasn’t speaking to talk. She was speaking to listen.
And she did it effortlessly, continuously, and intentionally. It showed me that what I said mattered to her. It made me feel valued. It made me feel intelligent. It made me feel heard. It was communication at a high level—completely selfless and deeply thoughtful. I understood instantly why she is so successful and so influential.
Every interaction we have with someone has two parts: the information we exchange, and the way we make the other person feel during that exchange. We often focus only on the first part—the ideas, the facts, the story we want to tell. But what’s happening beneath the surface is often more important. People may forget the specifics of what we said, but they remember exactly how we made them feel.
Speak to listen. Give others the gift of feeling valued. That is influence at the highest level.