How many times have you heard someone say, “I’m an introvert” or “I’m an extrovert”? We tend to think we are born one way and that’s just who we are forever. But that kind of belief can trap us, because we tend to behave in alignment with the labels we give ourselves. So the real question is: are we actually stuck this way for life?
Think about someone you know who is painfully shy and quiet, and then one day they speak up in a meeting with energy and enthusiasm because they are passionate about the topic. You watch them and think, Wow, I didn’t know they had that in them. You may even tell them you were impressed with their confidence. And yet, they deny it and return to being shy, even though they clearly showed the ability to speak up. We see this everywhere.
Introverts often say that being around people drains their energy, but those same people can play sports, dance, or spend time with close friends for hours with no problem. Extroverts often say that being around others gives them energy, yet many of them enjoy long stretches of quiet alone time and feel perfectly content.
So the question isn’t whether you are introverted or extroverted. The question is: when might it help you to be more of the other? If you usually see yourself as an introvert, maybe there are moments—like a work event—where leaning into a bit more engagement could help you build relationships. If you consider yourself an extrovert, maybe there are times when stepping back, listening deeply, and giving others space would serve you better.
The term for someone who can do both is ambivert—a person who can shift depending on the situation. And the truth is, we’re all ambiverts to some degree. We just have to believe that we have access to both sides, and give ourselves permission to use the one that serves us best in the moment.
You’re not one fixed way. You’re capable of more range than you think.