Have you ever been told to “follow your instincts”? It sounds inspiring, but it’s not always good advice. Behavioral psychologists explain that our mind works like this: first there’s a stimulus, then there’s a response. Something happens, and then we react. But the most important part is the space in between—the moment before the reaction. That moment is where our choice lives.
We can respond with instinct—our quick, emotional, animal-brain reaction—or we can pause, think, and choose a response that actually serves us.
The other day, some men were working on the house next door, and it was loud. The hammering and power tools were making me crazy. My instinct was near rage. I wanted to march over and say, “When are you going to be done making all that noise?!” But what would that have accomplished? It wouldn’t make them finish faster. If anything, it might make them want to be louder or less accommodating.
So I did something different. I waited. I told myself I’d talk to them the next day and simply ask what they were working on and when they expected to finish. A calm, curious question instead of an irritated demand. The funny part is—they finished before I even went over there.
Most of the time, when our instinctive reaction comes from anger or frustration, acting on it doesn’t make anything better. It usually makes the situation worse.
Don’t follow your instincts—manage them. Pause. Think. Choose a response instead of reacting automatically. You will get better results, and you will feel better about the way you handle life.
Try this: look at your calendar and spot any upcoming situation where you might be triggered—an intense meeting, a tough conversation, your teenager’s weekend plans—and make a mental note to pause before responding. Train yourself to use the space in between stimulus and response. That is where your power is.
How often do you actually take that pause? Rarely, if ever. Most of us don’t. But learning to pause is the difference between reacting and leading your life with intention.