Today I was looking out from the second floor of a building when I noticed a man walk up to a dimly lit Japanese restaurant. He grabbed the door handle and pushed. It didn’t open. He pushed again—harder—still nothing. Frustrated, he started to walk away. Then, just before he left, he tried pulling the door instead. It opened easily. He walked right in.
I laughed—not at him, but at myself. Because in the meeting I had just left, I was doing the same thing. I was pushing. I was pushing my ideas, my perspective, my desired outcome. And no matter how reasonable or logical I thought I was being, everyone pushed back. The harder I pushed, the harder they resisted.
We’ve all done this. We try to shove our ideas onto people. And when they don’t move, we push harder. Then frustration sets in, and eventually, we give up.
People don’t like to be pushed—they like to be pulled.
So how do you pull instead of push?You let people participate. You ask questions. You find out what they want. Then you show how your idea helps them get their outcome. Dale Carnegie and Ralph Waldo Emerson said it simply: People support a world they help create.
When someone feels ownership in an idea, they don’t resist it—they move toward it.
When you feel the door isn’t opening, stop pushing. Pull gently in the direction they already want to go. It’s a lot easier to get through the door.