The other day, I was at a restaurant and overheard two people talking about a colleague. One of them was frustrated — not because the colleague was a bad person, but because they “weren’t stepping up” or working the way they believed was appropriate.
Sound familiar? We’ve all been part of conversations like that. Complaining about others might be the most common conversation topic on earth.
But here’s the real reason this frustration happens:
We expect other people to live by our standards.
We expect them to:
Care as much as we do
Work as hard as we do
Feel the same urgency we feel
But they don’t — because they’re not us. They have different priorities, pressures, values, experiences, and internal motivators.
If you were both in a burning building, sure — your priorities would align instantly. But in everyday life, your emergencies aren’t theirs. What feels urgent to you may feel unimportant to them. And that difference is what creates stress, resentment, and endless complaining.
What’s more interesting is how surprised we are when other people don’t think and behave exactly like we do.
As a joke — next time you’re about to complain about someone, say to yourself:
“Why isn’t everyone perfect like me?”
It instantly reveals how unrealistic — and honestly, how funny — our expectations can be.
Instead of complaining, shift your focus. Ask yourself:
What matters to them?
When you try to understand another person’s priorities:
You reduce your own stress
You gain empathy
You improve communication
You create influence instead of tension
Complaining gives you nothing. Understanding gives you control.
So the next time someone’s not living up to your standards, pause. Don’t try to pull them into your world.
Step into theirs.