I was recently watching a video series on professional development — the kind of thing I love. These were respected speakers sharing thoughtful ideas about how to grow and make positive change. But after watching a few, I noticed something interesting.
It was very easy to find fault with almost every speaker.
They talked too fast. They didn’t seem authentic enough. Their content was too simple. They could have phrased that better. And on and on.
I didn’t even try to be critical — the fault-finding came naturally. Almost automatically.
Then it hit me.
I wasn’t paying for any of this. And I certainly wasn’t giving these speakers the same focus and presence I’d want from someone listening to me.
And more importantly, these speakers had more experience in their field than I did. They had done the work, earned the credibility, stepped up on the stage, and taken the risk of being seen, judged, praised, or criticized.
Who was I to sit back and critique from the sidelines?
Sure — some topics weren’t exactly what I needed. But they were helping someone else. And they were showing up.
That’s when I remembered something Dale Carnegie says — criticism is so destructive that his world-famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People begins with the lesson to avoid criticizing others.
Even when we think we’re positive people…even when we try to be encouraging…our default is often to scan for flaws.
So here’s the challenge:
Start catching yourself in the moment you begin to judge.
Not after. Not later.Right when your brain starts to say: “I don’t like that. “I would have done that differently. “That wasn’t very good.”
Make the thought conscious. And then shift it — even just to neutral. Or better yet, to appreciate.
Because the truth is: Anyone who is trying deserves more credit than anyone who is only commenting.