I recently helped a friend prepare for an interview for a job she really wanted. She drafted an email to the person who would be interviewing her, and as I read it, something stood out immediately: she used the words I, me, and my over twenty times.
The person reading that email wasn’t sitting at her desk hoping to learn all about a stranger’s wants and needs — she was looking for someone who could solve a problem, add value, or make her life easier. But the email didn’t reflect that. It was focused entirely on the sender.
So I suggested my friend revise the email from the receiver’s point of view. She agreed, although she admitted it felt hard and unfamiliar. She sent the updated version that night — and something surprising happened. The busy executive responded the same evening. She said that had never happened to her before.
That’s the power of shifting focus.
After that, I took a hard look at the way I write emails — and I noticed I do the same thing. It’s easy to send messages that revolve around what we want, what we hope for, and what we need. But when we make even a small shift toward the other person — their goals, their needs, their concerns — something changes. The message feels more thoughtful, and people respond faster, more warmly, and more often.
It’s one of the simplest changes you can make in your communication: Before sending an email, ask yourself:
Is this about me — or is it about them?
If it’s mostly about you, revise. Turn “I want” into “This will help you because…”Turn “I need” into “Here’s what I can support…”
It’s a small adjustment that builds trust and makes you stand out — because most people never think to do it.
Try it. You may be surprised how quickly your inbox starts feeling friendlier.