This one is about the value of talking yourself down, not up.
I recently attended an upscale social event and started a conversation with someone I had just met. I asked where he lived, and he immediately launched into a monologue about how he hated California and how New York was much better. Before I could even respond, he shifted into comparing hedge fund managers to venture capitalists and explaining why one was superior to the other. He went on and on — even though I hadn’t asked.
I’m sure he was smart. He clearly knew his industry. But he didn’t seem to realize that to someone who didn’t know him, he came across as arrogant, self-focused, and completely unaware of how he sounded. Even though the topic could have been interesting, I found myself wanting to politely exit after only a couple of minutes.
Dale Carnegie said, “Talk yourself down, not up.”We naturally gravitate toward people who are confident — but not toward people who need to prove they are important.
True confidence doesn’t announce itself. It shows up quietly through curiosity, patience, and humility.
And here’s the uncomfortable truth: Even if we don’t consider ourselves arrogant, most of us accidentally talk ourselves up without realizing it.
We mention our accomplishments before asking others about theirs. We jump into conversations to share our story when we could be listening to theirs. We want to be seen as capable — but the attempt often does the opposite.
I know I’ve done it. Sometimes I feel the urge to talk about my travels or achievements, and most of the time I catch myself and hold back. But sometimes I don’t — and when I don’t, I can feel the impression shift.
The good news is, we can change this with awareness.
Let your successes come up naturally, when they’re genuinely relevant. Let your ability speak louder than your ego.
When you do, people notice — and they respect you more because of it.