A few years ago, a friend asked if I’d like to volunteer for a weekend at a super maximum-security prison in Northern California. I didn’t know what to expect, but I try to say yes to experiences that expand my world. So I went.
Walking in was surreal. The razor wire, the gates, the echo of metal doors closing behind us — but what struck me most were the faces. Every expression held decades of stories.
I’ll never forget meeting one man who had spent decades in solitary confinement. Decades. I didn’t even know that was possible. He told me he had spent 23 hours a day alone, with just one hour outside his cell. He was quiet, almost fragile at first — but he was grateful to be back in the general population. Grateful just to be around other people.
That experience made one thing painfully clear: Human beings need feedback. We need a connection. We need to be seen.
Solitary confinement destroys people not because of the walls, but because of the silence. When we don’t have feedback from others, our mind fills the void. We create stories. And those stories are almost always shaped by our anxieties and fears. Left alone with no outside perspective, we can convince ourselves of anything — and often, the worst things.
But this isn’t just about prisons.
There are people walking around every day — coworkers, friends, partners — who feel emotionally isolated. Not physically locked away, but mentally. And they are starving for acknowledgment.
A simple “I see your effort.”A sincere, “I appreciate what you did.”Even a gentle, “Can I share something that may help you improve?”
Feedback, given with care, is a gift. It’s oxygen for the human spirit.
Don’t withhold it. Thinking, “They already know I appreciate them,” is the same as saying nothing at all.
If you notice something good — say it. If you can help someone grow, offer it kindly.
We all crave connection, understanding, and reflection. Just like food, water, and freedom — we need feedback to stay healthy.