When I was in college, we had a dean of students whose job was far from easy. Every day, he dealt with student issues, discipline, conflict, and the responsibility of keeping the campus running smoothly. Looking back, it was an incredibly demanding role.
One day, I had an appointment with him regarding a student council project. When I walked into his office, I noticed something unusual: his chair sat unusually low to the ground — noticeably lower than his desk and even lower than the chair in front of him. Eventually, curiosity got the better of me, and I asked him why it was so low.
He smiled and said, “It’s a good idea to put yourself beneath people — both literally and figuratively.”
He explained that when you place yourself below others, they don’t feel talked down to. They don’t feel challenged, threatened, or judged. Instead, they feel respected. And when a person feels respected, they are far more open to listening, collaborating, and receiving guidance.
That moment taught me a powerful lesson about influence that I never forgot.
Influence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room or proving you’re right. It’s about humility. When we lower ourselves — not in value, but in posture, tone, and intention — other people feel seen and understood. And when someone feels understood, they become open. They become willing to listen.
Even when someone is wrong.Even when they’ve made mistakes.Even when you could easily assert authority.
When people sense humility rather than superiority, communication flows instead of shutting down.
Ever since that day, I’ve tried to live by that example — to consciously place others above myself in conversation and approach. Whether with coworkers, friends, or family, I’ve found that humility softens resistance and builds connection. It allows trust to grow. It helps conversations move forward rather than break down.
So next time you’re speaking with someone — especially in a difficult moment — remind yourself:
Don’t stand above. Come alongside. Or even gently below.
Maybe even lower your chair.
Humility opens doors that force cannot.